Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Jarren Benton Ft. Aleon Craft - Half Ounce Quarter Pound

This past weekend while cuffed to the P.D. bench after catching a DUI (along with some other charges) I had ALOT of time to reflect on my life. I had all types of thoughts and questions pop up, like "How could I have forgotten the gram of weed in my pocket." and "Duh Drego you forgot because you were drunk and stoned," along with a string of other not so obvious thoughts. Getting busted sucks, I highly recommended not doing it, but since I was there and all I had was time, I spent my time thinking about weird shit with my cloudy brain; "What if I yelled SUICIDE BOMBER" or "I want to puke into your breathalyzer." One thing that I didn't think, but wish I had thought of was; "what would Freebasing with Kevin Bacon be like?" Let me clear something up, I have never freebased nor do I ever plan on it. I also won't likely be chilling with Kevin Bacon anytime soon, so I may as well entertain this fantasy... For the full story shoot the J.

Being a Hollywood star Kevin Bacon is used to freebasing with the best of them (Bruce Willis) this means that he ain't about to smoke baby lax off some nasty blackened tin foil. You better prepare the finest pow on your best ceramic plate. Now I'm pretty sure Bacon is gonna bogart most of your shit so if you plan on freebasing you better have a side stash somewhere safe where Bacon won't smell it; like a bathroom stall or in your butt cheeks. 

Kevin Bacon loves to hear stories about himself, so it would be wise to have a few tales of your favorite movies to include in your post freebasing activities. Unless you don't mind all your things being broken I wouldn't include any footloose stories. If you talk about footloose you're both going to end up doing gay dance moves and Kevin Bacon WILL high kick the shit out of your ceiling fan. I'd tell a nice story about the movie "Tremors" or "Stir of Echoes" and see if I couldn't scare Kevin into curling up on the couch for fear of man eating Sandworms or spooky ghosts. Once Bacon is submitted by fear it will be your time to shine.

Have an acoustic and some jembe drums ready and play them even if you suck. Kevin will be just be happy to forget about the spooky stories you just told him, he may even join in so have your earplugs handy. A series of board or card games is definitely a good idea, but remember Kevin Bacon doesn't care about your nerdy games. He doesn't want to play "Magic", "Pokemon" or "D&D," Bacon is a mans man... He wants to play Uno under a blacklight while freebasing off your moms ceramic soup spoon and that's what it comes down to.

So remember, when freebasing with Kevin Bacon you better have a manipulative plan of action or your drugs will be bogarted and your house will be demolished. And remember kids this was all brought to you by the dude who just got out of jail.