Thursday, August 16, 2012

10 Rappers That Should Be Athletes

Professional athletes have been making halfhearted attempts at rap careers since the beginning of the Hip Hop time-line. The Rapthlete phenomena can be traced back to the mid '80s with tracks like "The Superbowl Shuffle" by the Chicago Bears or the joint "Chocolate Strawberry" by Darryl Strawberry (the best crackhead to ever swing a bat). The trend continued through the '90s and into the new Millennium with more broken pipe dreams then a Mario 2 loss. Allen Iverson, Roy Jones Jr., Troy Hudson and even Tony Parker are all among the would be rappers that have sunk into the depths of the ocean size list of Rapthletes where defamation, mockery and embarrassment is inevitable.

So what exactly attracts athletes to rap like bugs to a zapper? Is it simply the competitive nature of both disciplines? Or is it the boisterous trash talking, constant womanizing and ego-maniacal self flattery that lends it's self to this killer cross-over? Did Kobe Bryant sprain a few ankles and think to himself; "Shit I bet I can juke on a track the same way I juke the court."

Wouldn't it be convenient if all these Rapthletes could translated their prowess off of the court, ring, or field and back into a studio and onto a track? Money Mayweather would be the undisputed champ of punch-lines, Metta World Peace would be a fierce battle rapper, and Allen Iverson wouldn't be broke. On the same token wouldn't it be nice if this logic worked in reverse?! What if studio, stage and battle skills translated back into Athletics. What rappers have the lyricism, style and delivery to make this hypothesis happen?  For the full story shoot the J.

Yelawolf - Sprinter
If the amount of syllables in a line translated to steps on a track Yela's aggressive style would surely get him off the blocks quicker than the next sprinter. When he chooses to use them, Yelawolf's double-time multi-syllabic rhymes have the potential to translate into record breaking velocity. He'd be even faster than using your hands on the NES Power Pad.

Action Bronson - Competitive Eater
We've all heard rappers being deemed as 'hungry' meaning the rapper is in dire need of what they consider success. That's not what Action Bronson is (he is already marginally successful) Action is literally hungry for more food. Aside from having serious cooking skills, Bronson rhymes about eating all the time.  Action is so hungry he could gorge on a starving artist then go head to head with any Nathan's hot dog eating competitor.

Childish Gambino - Decathlete
 Gambino's verbal and written talents range from the comedic to the rhythmic. In the sports world this would be known as the Bo Jackson factor,  in other words Gambino KNOWS that he can do whatever he'd like. As Donald Glover, Troy or CG this Rapthlete would kill the multidisciplinary Decathlon. 

Homeboy Sandman - Triple Jump
It's Homeboy Sandman when he's not jumping turn-styles the man lives in a sandbox. He recently hopped onto Stonesthrow and will be releasing his debut album, First Of A Living Breed. In my opinion he is ahead of his time and leaps and bounds above most other emcees

RiFF RaFF - Three Legged Relay Race 

Danny Brown - Hockey Goon
Not only is Danny Brown the head goon of Detroit's Bruiser Brigade he also sports the customary grill of most Hockey defense-man. Danny is barbarically open about the people he disdains and isn't afraid to bitch smack a Mac.

Jay Z - Marathon Runner
Jay has been getting busy on tracks since Hawaiian Sophie dropped back in '89. He has been atop the throne since the late nineties and still shows no sign of slowing down. Jay-Z has the relentless pace and endurance of an Kenyan distance runner. It's debatable that Hova will be doing this when most other rappers on this list will only be an afterthought. 

Meek Mill - 1600 Freestyle
Meek Mill has more bars on deck then a Pirate with a Xanex habit. Millz was blessing the internet with freestyles when he was still just a young hopper on the streets of Philly. This is of course using the term Freestyle loosely. As you can tell most of Meek's goons know his punchlines they really aren't improvised verses, but then again freestyle swimmers aren't exactly doing an impromptu strokes either.

Killer Mike - Power Lifter
Killer Mike is HUGE. He looks exactly like what you'd imagine a power lifter to look like. It's his music though, not his looks that translate into his athletic counterpart as a power lifter. Killer Mike's R.A.P album is the most outspoken and powerful project of 2012 so far.  His politically charged lyrics and intense delivery evoke you to question authority and raise a fist high about your head.

Chief Keef - Pole Volter
Chicago's Chief Keef went from shakin his braids in a musty apartment to having a legendary remix on the radio in just months and apparently it's no thanks to Kanye West. This arrogant bravado and rapid rise to stardom is the athletic equivalent to a pole volter catapulting himself over a high bar. Question is will he land on a cushy track mat or back on the hard streets of the Southside.

Black Hippy - 400 meter relay
In the matter of a few years these 4 Hippies shot each-other to the top of the Hip Hop super groups. It seems that as soon as I decide that I prefer ones flows over the next another takes the forefront as the my favorite. I have a feeling that Kendrick Lamar is the one that will be running the last leg though.